The Four: The Individualist

It’s another EnneaTalk Tuesday with our EnneaType series and this week it is all about the fours. The four, sometimes known as The Romantic, is the least typed on the Enneagram and operates mostly on their feelings, marching to the beat of their own drum and uniquely individual. I discuss how to lead, laugh, love, and learn from a four, especially if you are one.

Listen to this episode to hear how to communicate and speak the four’s language, how to bring out the best in them if you lead or love them, and how to help them find significance and love by making them feel seen, heard, and understood.

Driven by connection

The Individualist is part of the heart triad and is the most emotionally in tune than any other type in the Enneagram. They operate from feelings, are highly intuitive, authentic, empathetic, compassionate, sensitive, witty, and fun. I describe what they are driven by, and how their goal is to reclaim their wholeness in the present moment by appreciating what is happening right now.

I discuss how the fours can internalize a lot of their feelings and can sometimes be a roller coaster of emotions. When they are unhealthy, they can be dramatic, self-absorbed, moody, and withdrawn, but I share the ways you can help bring out the best in them, laugh with them, and communicate in their language.

Uplifting and acknowledging their emotions

I describe how their intuitive nature is unmatched, and how they often hold space for those they trust, offering the gift of loyalty and so driven by human connection that their superpower is sensitivity and authenticity.  If you love or lead a four, I describe their working and leading style, how they tend to be artistic and creative, the needs of a four, and how you can bring out the best in them by making them feel seen, heard, and understood.


“4’s are the least typed on the Enneagram, usually because they are marching to the beat of their own drum.” :18

“The Individualist or Romantic Type 4 believe that you can regain the lost ideal love or perfect state by finding a situation that is unique, special, and fulfilling.” 1:30

“The life lesson of the Individualist or the 4, the goal is to reclaim their wholeness in the present moment, by appreciating what is here right now”. 2:27

“In the times we are living in right now, the world as a whole I think is craving that more authentic and we will never take meaningful experiences for granted again.” 7:05

“Whatever they are feeling at the moment it is just that, a moment. In 5 minutes an Enneagram 4  can be feeling something completely different.” 9:55

“Holding them for their every single word, will destroy the respect you have from them and if you love one of them it will divide you.” 10:02

“They are the kings and queens of authentic self-expression, they are amazing storytellers. Their goal in everything is to be as authentic as possible.” 12:42

“They want to be seen and understood as who they feel they uniquely are, so words of affirmation is a big deal for them.” 13:51

“Understanding them is more important to them than agreeing with them”. 14:09

“Fours are idealists who long for a world that is not reality, they mourn the shortcomings that they see.” 19:44

“Shame is the silent killer, so when a four is healthy and they are vulnerable in both their success and shortcomings. They bring a sense of true authenticity, beauty and meaning to their relationships.”. 24:55

“Being in relationships with 4’s has allowed me to see the value in the process time and it makes me feel, which as an 8, I don’t want to do.” 26:47

“When you’re in relation whether it’s leading or loving a 4, just hear them. They don’t want you to fix them, they just want to be able to talk about their stuff.” 28:09

“Sometimes, 4’s express their authentic feelings as a way to get through disagreements.” 29:57

“If you are somebody that longs for deep connection with yourself and others, a 4 is who you want around.” 33:22

“When we minimize the sensitivity of a 4, we rob them of trusting their intuition.” 35:26

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