You know that moment…
The one where your stomach flips, your throat tightens, and everything in you knows you’re about to betray yourself…
But you do it anyway.
Not because you’re a liar.
Not because you’re weak.
But because staying in integrity would cost more than you’re ready to pay.
Approval.
Comfort.
Control.
Image.
So you trade a little piece of yourself to keep things clean.
But it’s not clean. It’s quiet chaos.
It’s bitterness behind the smile.
It’s burnout disguised as discipline.
It’s convincing yourself survival mode is some kind of badge of honor..
I know because I’ve done it.
I’ve betrayed my own integrity in moments where I convinced myself it was noble.
Where I stayed silent when I should’ve spoken.
Where I flexed when I was falling apart.
Where I said yes when my soul was screaming no.
I used to think I was being the “better person.”
I wasn’t. I was completely self-abandoning in a way that looked socially acceptable.
And it cost me.
Not just my energy or opportunities.
It cost me me—my peace, my clarity, my self-trust.
When the Edge Cracks
Seventeen years ago, I was betrayed in a very public, very humiliating way.
Not on a Kiss Cam jumbotron like that Coldplay concert clip the internet’s obsessed with…but in front of my inner circle.
It gutted me.
And I didn’t have the tools I have now.
What I had was rage, resentment, and a long memory.
So I did what many of us do when we feel powerless—I retaliated.
I said the things. Viciously.
I withheld the money.
I locked down the accounts.
I even punched the man in the face. (Yep, jail time. Mugshot. 29 hours in Maricopa County.)
And here’s the thing:
Did I feel justified? Absolutely.
Was I in integrity? Not even close.
My actions may have made sense… but they cost me more than they healed.
My kids felt it.
My reputation wore it.
My nervous system paid the price.
Integrity Isn’t a Buzzword—It’s a Brutal, Beautiful Practice
The difference between me then and me now isn’t that people stopped hurting me.
In the last five years alone, I’ve been betrayed in ways that felt eerily similar.
And every time, I’ve felt that same instinct rise: Protect. Punish. Flex.
But I don’t let that version of me drive anymore.
Today, I choose presence over posturing. I OWN the power of the PAUSE.
Truth over performance.
Self-honoring over self-sabotage.
Not because it’s easy—but because I’ve seen what it costs when I don’t.
What the Enneagram Has to Do With It
The Enneagram isn’t some personality label.
It’s a compass.
It shows me exactly where I lose myself…and the map to get back.
As an Enneagram 8, I used to think integrity meant being untouchable. Bulletproof.
But I’ve learned that integrity isn’t about being unbreakable.
It’s about being unshakably honest…with myself first.Compassionately.
Now when that old wiring kicks in..the urge to bulldoze, to protect, to dominate—I pause.
I breathe.
And I ask myself: Is this my truth… or just another flex to feel safe?
And I use the entire Enneagram framework…core type, wings,tritype, instincts, lines—to reroute myself back to truth.
How We All Slip Out of Integrity (And Don’t Even Realize It)
Each Enneagram type has its flavor of self-betrayal.
Here’s a glimpse:
- Type 1 loses integrity when perfection replaces compassion.
- Type 2 when giving becomes a transaction for worth.
- Type 3 when image leads and truth trails behind.
- Type 4 when emotional chaos drowns grounded presence.
- Type 5 when withholding truth feels safer than being seen.
- Type 6 when fear hijacks their inner knowing.
- Type 7 when positivity bypasses reality.
- Type 8 when control overtakes connection.
- Type 9 when disappearing is easier than disrupting.
And the way back?
It’s not about performing better…it’s about stopping the flex and telling the fcking truth.
It’s not about being “the bigger person.” It’s about being the truer person.
It’s using your Enneagram type to spot and reroute your patterns….not excuse them.
The Payoff You Can’t See (Yet)
Three and a half years ago, I was betrayed again…this time in a friendship.
And I had every opportunity to blow it up. I had the receipts.
But I didn’t.
I stayed in integrity.
I kept my mouth shut.
I tended to my own healing.
And I let the truth reveal itself on its own.
Guess what? It did.
And the peace I gained by staying in alignment?
It’s worth more than any petty revenge could have given me.
Because here’s what I’ve learned:
Integrity pays in peace, not popularity.
And I’d take that any day of the week.
Your Turn
So let me ask you…
Where are you negotiating your truth for someone else’s comfort?
Where are you trading alignment for approval?
Where have you justified being out of integrity…because they were too?
You don’t need to be perfect.
But you do need to be honest.
With yourself, first.
And if you want the most powerful, compassionate, no-bullshit tool to help you come back home to who you are…
Learn the Enneagram the right way.
My new LIVE Enneagram Edge Foundations Course starts Sept 3.(It goes 4 weeks)
It’s not fluff. It’s not Instagram-type memes.
It’s a live, deep, sacred unpacking of the tool that changed everything for me.
You’ll learn how to use it in your relationships, your leadership, your parenting, and most importantly—with yourself.
Because when you walk in integrity, you don’t just change your life.
You change your legacy.
👉 Join the course here (Use CODE CERT400 for an exclusive bonus price)
👉 Listen to Episode 431–The Edge of Integrity: How the Enneagram Calls You Out and Pulls You Back
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