*What if the things you reach for to exhale… are the same things keeping you from breathing in your full power?*

You Don’t Even Know You’re Numbing

It starts quietly.

A glass of wine to settle the nerves.
A scroll to drown out the noise.
A little sugar after the chaos.
Maybe a ritual that once felt sacred…but now feels like a lifeline you’re gripping with white knuckles.

You tell yourself it’s how you take the edge off.
But underneath?

You’re not softening the edge.
You’re silencing the part of you that’s trying to speak.

And over time, the sharpness that once made you magnetic…
the clarity, the conviction, the fire in your gut..
starts to dull and even diminish.

Not all at once.
Just enough to forget who you are.

The Cost Is Quiet Until It’s Crushing

No one talks about the cost of numbing or escpaing when the thing you’re using looks and IS *acceptable.*

“It’s just a treat.”

“I deserve this…”

“ It’s just a glass.”

It’s just a moment to breathe.

But what if your nervous system isn’t breathing…
it’s bracing for impact?

What if the thing you think is helping you cope is actually making you harder to reach…

 even by *yourself*?

Because taking the edge off isn’t always obvious.
Sometimes, it’s the most “normal” habit in your day.
The one that looks harmless.
The one that feels earned.

Until one day, you realize you don’t know how to show up without it.

And that edge you were trying to dull?
That was your *signal*.
Your truth.
Your inner compass screaming, *“This isn’t it.”*

What Taking the Edge Off Looked Like for Me

My first attempt at “taking the edge off” didn’t come in adulthood.
It started when I was just a little girl…growing up in a home that felt unpredictable, unsafe, and heavy with things no child should have to carry.

I didn’t have language for trauma.
But I had sugar.

I learned how to sneak food and hide it, because it gave me comfort and companionship.
It regulated what no one else knew I was feeling. At least I thought so at that young age.

That was the first time I reached for something *external* to calm something *internal*.

And the pattern? It didn’t end with childhood.

Later it was alcohol.
Then came sugar again.
Diet Coke…my power hit in a can.
Scrolling…disguised as “checking in” but really checking *out*.
And Hapé…
A sacred tool I deeply respect. One that has helped me ground, drop in, and connect in even deeper ways to Spirit….

But even sacred tools can become bypasses when the *intent* behind them is avoidance.

 (Even a subconscious intent)

I didn’t realize I was reaching for it not to always  go deeper into truth…
but to fast-track my calm and skip the discomfort.
And when you use even the best tools with a subconscious intent to *escape,*
you don’t just lose the noise…..you lose your *edge.*

Not all at once.
But in layers.

And before you know it, you’ve created a life that looks “regulated”…..but feels like you’ve flatlined your fire.

This Isn’t About Cutting Things Out

I’m not the morality police.
This isn’t about purity or perfection.

It’s about *presence*.

It’s about knowing when your rituals became routines.
When your resets became requirements.
When your self-soothing started dulling your self-trust, your self honoring…

This is about reclaiming your edge..the part of you that sees clearly, speaks truth, and leads from power instead of panic.

But to do that, you’ve got to take inventory. Without shame.

Why I Use the Enneagram (and Not for Surface-Level Type Talk)

Here’s where most people get it wrong with the Enneagram:

They use it like a costume.
“I’m a 3, so I hustle.”
“I’m a 9, so I avoid conflict.”
“I’m a 7, so I just like to have fun.”

F That…

The Enneagram isn’t a script. It’s a map.
It doesn’t tell you who you are…it shows you why you do what you do *when you’re not being honest with yourself*.

When I started using it to trace the *why* behind my reach for sugar, or my need to grab Hapé before every meditation session… I could pause.
Not to judge. But to get curious. Very very curious,,.

And that moment of pause?
That’s where power lives.

The Enneagram helps you see the loop.
It names the need behind the habit and/or behavior.
And when you name it….especially with compassion…you can choose something new. Something that not only feels good, something you can feel proud of…but also sustainable.

So Now What?

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight.
You don’t have to throw away every comfort.
You just have to tell the truth….being radically compassionately honest….starting with yourself.

What have you been reaching for to soften the sting…
that might actually be softening *you*?

Not your kindness. Not your compassion.
But your clarity. Your conviction. Your edge.

Maybe it’s food.
Maybe it’s alcohol.
Maybe it’s something that *looks* like healing..until you’re honest about the energy behind it.

This isn’t about self-blame.
It’s about self-return.

Your edge was never the problem.
It’s the *signal* that you’re alive, awake, and meant for more than just managing your emotions.

You were built to feel.
To face things.
To lead yourself home…again and again.

So today, take inventory. Not to punish.
But to remember.

Because the real edge?

Is in the moment you choose to stay awake…
instead of numb.

And that choice?
That’s where your power lives.

🎧 Listen to Episode 426

If this hit home for you, you need to hear this week’s podcast: 

I go deeper into the real cost of coping, my own journey through sobriety and self-soothing, and how to use the Enneagram as a tool to get your edge back without burning everything down.

🎙  **Episode 426 – How to Take the Edge Off Without Losing Your F*cking Edge.**

Let this be the episode that calls you back to your edge……in the best way.